A blog about Los Angeles
Man.
I can’t believe I’m going back to LA.
It really blows my mind everytime I think about it.
When I first left LA and went on this road trip across the country, I wasn’t exactly sure where I would end up. I knew that I had to at least stop by Florida and visit my friends and family, I felt that. But I wasn’t 100% sure and I was willing to let the Universe guide me to where I needed to be.
I gave every town I visited a fair chance. I applied for jobs in pretty much every town I stopped by. No town felt exactly like “home”, and I wonder if that feeling of home is an illusion. Every place seems to have pros and cons.
I was willing to try out Florida again. To be near my friends and family, work, and pursue my career. But the instant I crossed the state line, something felt off.
Deep within my gut, something felt wrong, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
The longer I stayed in Florida, the more I felt this weird suppressive feeling. I was miserable being back there and I felt that same energy which prompted me to leave in the first place. I stayed longer than I wanted to, even though I was only there for maybe 3 weeks this time.
I was afraid to choose LA. The thought of going back there honestly scared the crap outta me at first.
One night, while I was in my funk, I randomly got a phone call from someone who I hadn’t spoken to in a few months. He sensed something was wrong the instant I said hello. It was during our conversation that I realized I needed to go back to LA. It was like he was speaking for the part of my mind which was suppressed at that particular time. Things happened in LA that I never thought would ever be possible for me. The car I am driving now is the most up-to-date car I have ever driven in my entire life. Same thing with my cell phone. And a bunch of other random things which happened relatively quickly during my 5 months of living there.
But I still wasn’t completely “sold” on the idea of going back. I was afraid.
A day or two later, another friend randomly calls me out of the blue. He explains to me this somewhat of an emotional crisis sort of situation in which he needs to go to Louisiana. But first he wanted to go to Florida to visit his family. To make a long story short, he needed me to drive him to Louisiana and then back to LA, where he has been living the last couple of years.
I hesitated and hesitated and finally gulped an “okay”.
To make a long story somewhat shorter, his trip ended up not working out for various reasons on his end.
A few days after that, another friend randomly out of the blue told me he wanted to go on a road trip from Florida to visit someone in Northern California and if I decided to go back he would love to hop a ride with me in exchange for some gas money and whatnot.
After all of this, I gave in. Okay. I guess I need to go back to LA.
Oh and, I never ended up riding back with him because he kept procrastinating repeatedly about when he wanted to leave.
After having these 3 conversations, I immediately realized what the Universe was trying to tell me, and I wanted to act on it as quickly as possible.
So I celebrated my 28th birthday on Saturday June 21st and left on Sunday June 22nd.
I will be back in Los Angeles monday-ish.
I have my favorite job back, working as a camera operator. I think. I’m almost certain that I have it. I’m just waiting for the confirmation from my boss. So wish me luck with that. But I’m not worried about anything anymore.
I have completely given up trying to plan out my life or trying to plan out anything in the physical Universe. Because everytime I try to plan things out, something changes. I realize throughout my journeys that nothing in life is truly predictable, plannable, or thinkable.
I realize that everything in life is a relationship of some sort, and they all fluctuate. You have a choice on how to view every single thing in your world. Two choices. Positively or negatively.
All you know is what your heart desires. That’s all you can ever know at a given moment. And you have to trust in the Universe that you will get it because you deserve it.
This has been a tough pill for me to swallow. For some reason, growing up, I’ve always felt guilty for wanting things. And getting what I wanted made me feel even guiltier. I’m not sure why or what it was.
I think everyone has their lessons to learn throughout the years.
The big one for me is that:
It’s okay to have desires.
The desires that I have are okay.
Anyway, I digress. But yeah, I’m going back to Cali. It blows my mind.
But I remember that when I lived there, with the exception of the final month when my roommate drove me nuts, that when I was there.. I felt the most free I have ever felt in my entire life. It was easy for me to feel high on life, just driving around the freeways there. My CD’s for some reason sounded better there, driving around there, than it did when I lived in Florida. Something about being there felt good.
I’m not sure what it was or why it was there, but it’s that energy that pulls me back. I gave everywhere else a fair shot, even Florida, but no other place had that particular effect on me.